so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
