In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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