If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
