I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
