well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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