apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
