i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
