when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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