I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Drunk is not a location!
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
