It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
