Taylor Swift is so right about you.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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