I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
