DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
