Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
