dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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