If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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