First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
