i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
