my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
