I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
