I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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