I hope mine doesn't look like that
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
