omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
