Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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