We're facebook friends in real life
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
