dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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