How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
