If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
