And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
