I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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