it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
