I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
