I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
