HIV tests are more positive than that guy
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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