So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
