I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
