I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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