I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
