....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
