Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
