And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
