i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I just had sex on a roof
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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