loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
