Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
