i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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