mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
