I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
