hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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