she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
