# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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