where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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