3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Did we literally take a cab across the street
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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