P.S. I can't hear my feet
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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