she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
