we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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