not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I think people are normalizing furries
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
