Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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