Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
