i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize