What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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