i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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