Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
