My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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