Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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